Your Birth Day(s) - Part II

Hi baby girl.  You are scrunched up laying right by me right now.  Which is why typing Part II is easy for me - I already know the ending!  You just woke up a little and looked at me with those amazing big blue eyes of your, gave me a little smirk, stretched a little and went back to sleep.  Have I mentioned how in love with you I am?  If not - I am - BIG TIME!

So...we left off at 7pm on Day 2 of labor - I'm at 10 cm dilated and we are finally ready to push.  The awesome nurse Linda started the pushing with us a few times before she went off shift.  And, as crazy as it sounds, I liked pushing.  I was feeling the contractions a lot at this point (and no more dosing up the epidural for me means I would more and more), so when I pushed, it not only gave me a purpose to the crazy pain (finally), it just felt better - the pain was mixed with the need to push.  So, this was at least good for now, I guess!

Bailey (remember, she was on the night before - and sadly - we are still in labor and delivery and she is back with us 12 hours later) came on shift and Linda left.  We were really sad to see Linda go.  She had been the best nurse and done so much for us during her shift.  And she was rooting for us so much too.  I still don't know if she saw a picture of you after you were born - I hope so - somehow!  But, nonetheless, Bailey took over and she was a good nurse too.  Your Daddy and Mimi helped me push and Bailey was there to feel where you were.  You were still pretty far up the birth canal.  You started at -3 and in the first hour of pushing, you maybe made it to -2 station.  You weren't sliding down any too fast!  My dreams of being able to say, "I pushed three good pushes and she was born!", quickly faded away that first hour!

After the first hour, I got to take a "break" and Bailey had me sit up and let gravity help push you down with this position.  I think she was trying to trick me with the word "break, because this break ended up not so fun, as I could feel the contractions but couldn't really push.  I felt them in my back and butt big time.  So much so, that I called her back in and said, "Break's over!  I need to push again!".  So we did.  Everyone got back into their positions.  Your poor Daddy and Mimi, they got quite a work out too holding my paralyzed legs for me as I was pushing!

Long story short - rerun the paragraph above about three more times and that's what happened for the next three hours.  And you dropped to maybe a 0 or +1 station (mind you, a +3 station is where you need to be for delivery).  So. four hours of hard core pushing and you still had a ways to go.  Not to mention, your Mommy was majorly in pain and TIRED!  I will be honest, it was a hopeless feeling.  Bailey felt your hair in there (and said you had some long hair she could almost braid!), but you didn't drop much more.  They thought you also were at a weird angle.  Maybe not sunny side up entirely (face up), but kind of cock-eyed and half up, half down in there.  If that was true, this was a lot of why you weren't moving.

So...your Mommy is exhausted, hurting, tired, hopeless and dying every 2 minutes with contractions that don't seem to do anything anymore (the days of liking pushing were waaaay past us now!).  This is where my alter ego kicked in.  I became a different person at this point.  I whined and threw a bit of a fit that this was not working.  The nurse kept being encouraging, saying I was doing everything right....but I told her, what if that doesn't matter!  What if I keep pushing for four more hours and nothing still - at what point do we figure something else out?  I was such a trooper in the first few days and at the beginning of pushing, but I was just DONE.  I had no sleep and no energy left - and - did I mention that I was in major pain?  Yeah, I was done and was hoping that the fit throwing would move things along faster than getting you out of my birth canal vaginally.

And that's what started happening.  All of a sudden the resident doc was in there and said she would have to call my doc (from our perinatology group on call at the hospital - Dr. Lam) and ask about a c-section, but if he said "yes", she gave me all the warnings and considerations that go a long with a surgery.  I said "okay" to them all - and she left to clear it by Dr. Lam.

And then, like magic after that, they were prepping me for surgery. Several more people are now in the room - the anesthesiologist is back, a couple more nurses, Bailey, and the resident.  I was still in lots and lots of pain with the contractions and kind of got a little frantic, to be honest.  As much as I wanted you out and in my arms (and a c-section was obviously the way to make that happen at this point!), I just kind of freaked out with the idea of being cut open.  And, on top of that, I was still REALLY feeling the contractions.  I told your Daddy that I CANNOT FEEL ANOTHER CONTRACTION (remember - they had to still take me out of my room and wheel me down A LONG WAY to surgery).  Poor guy.  He just looked at me, like...uhhhh...not sure what to tell you because you're obviously going to have to feel several more!  So, they started wheeling me to the OR.  And can I tell you how LONG of a trip that is?  Then, I started feeling a pain in my mid-back that was probably nothing much of anything on a normal day, but I couldn't move and make it better that way and I was just soooo out of sorts.  So, I was complaining to the anethesiologist, who was at my head, helping wheel me.  Looking back, I am scared that I was REALLY annoying with the contractions hurting and back thing.  He kept telling me that give them just a few minutes and he would make the pain go away - he promised.  This was NOT good enough for me.  I kept ranting about the back pain and the contractions - and I was still freaking out about the reality of getting cut open too.  Ugh...if I could NEVER relive those moments again - EVER, I would be just fine!

Somehow they got me from my bed to the OR table - especially since I was like dead weight with not being able to use my legs!  Your Daddy was getting suited up with scrubs at that point when they were prepping me in the OR.  They put a blue sheet right next to my face, so I had no view of what was happening.  And it was so close to my face that I could practically lick it!  Oh, and the anesthesiologist was right - he shot something in my epidural site and instantly felt all the pain go away instantly.  Just took away the pain though - not the pressure of what they were doing.  WEIRDEST FEELING EVER.  The tugging and pulling feeling was almost overwhelming sometimes - like it felt like they would rip my skin.  But, at the same time, it didn't hurt.

At this point, your Daddy was all scrubbed up and behind me.  They had me put my arms straight out from my body....and he was holding one of them.  And me?  I was SO TIRED all of sudden!  I was trying not to fall asleep.  I know that sounds horrible, but the combination of the last two days, the pushing and then the new wonderful drugs were really getting to me!  And, my nose was completely plugged, which meant my mouth was SO DRY!  In the end, these aren't big deals at all, I know this...I just wanted to record down for you all the things I remember about your birth.  And the incredible dry mouth and plugged nose definitely makes the list!  It really took my mind off of the tugging and pulling though - I could barely think of anything else but how DRY my mouth was and that I needed ice chips STAT!

I heard one of the docs (I think there were four?  Oh...and it's a teaching hospital, so I could hear the "lesson" they were getting from Dr. Lam the whole time too) said, "Your baby is almost here!".  That woke me up!  And then one of the assistants told your Daddy that he could stand up and watch over the blue blanket if he wanted.  He did (and stomached it all!) and watched you being pulled from my belly!  I just remember him telling me you were here and all I could think was - why aren't you crying?  That was the big thing I was waiting for.  Soon enough, you cried (I guess I didn't realize there is a TON of fluids to get out of your mouth and nose before any sounds can be made!)!  It was a great cry.  And Daddy went over to the scale to weigh you.  I was, of course, stuck, paralyzed on the table....but I remember all the nurses and docs saying how much hair you had and how big you were!  And you were big!  You were nine pounds and four ounces!  And 21.5 inches long!  You officially arrived Thursday, December 2nd at 12:16am.  They brought you around and laid you on me - and wow - did you ever have hair!  Dark hair!  My little girl was here finally, laying and touching my face!  And the last two days that I went through no longer mattered.

I got sewn back up while your Daddy and you (above) went and waited for me in recovery.  The whole sewing up process took a long time too!  And the pulling and tugging I felt before?  Even more interesting when they are putting all of you back together!  Talk about feeling like Humpty Dumpty!  It seemed like it took 45 minutes, but eventually I got wheeled to recovery to see you and Daddy.  I was trying my best the whole two days to keep my blood sugars stable, so that yours would be okay when you came out and your pancreas was finally functioning on it's own.  I was so happy to learn that your blood sugar was 65 mg/dl when you came out.  That is amazing baby girl!  And it stayed right around there for the days after in the hospital too.  Also, your Apgar scores (how well you are functioning/your vitals after you are born at 1 minute and 5 minutes) were 9/9, respectively.  And that's out of 10...which, between you and me, I don't think any baby gets.  =)

Can you believe it?  Here we are in the recovery room after nine months of hard work with a healthy baby girl!  Yes, you were a little stubborn to get out, and a little crooked and big (and I think they ended up saying my pelvis wasn't big enough too), but who cares!  All of that hard work was so worth it as I held you in the recovery room.

And as I was de-numbing in recovery, we even tried our first breastfeeding moment and you latched right on! So awesome baby girl.  Also, as I was de-numbing, your Daddy went out to get your Mimi and let her come back there to see you (only one person with us at a time).  Your Mimi held you for the first time and I think we all finally felt like we could breathe a sigh of relief!  Now, to get your Sisters and Pa back to the hospital the next day so that they could finally meet you!

That's enough for Part II...I'll be back soon with more!