23 weeks - We Are Rolling Along!

My little bitty baby girl - I am so happy that you are in my belly.  You literally have no idea how happy it makes me.  And even as we are creeping up with the weeks you are in my belly, can your delivery date just get here already?  I find myself staring at your 3D picture (that I posted last post) and just imagine you in real baby form.  Your picture is on my phone, so that makes it a good time killer whenenver I need one!  I have never ever been good with patience - so this is a true test for me.  And I know, I know...everyone tells me to enjoy this time...and I am enjoying it, promise.  It's so fun to feel you like a wiggly worm all inside my belly nowadays and to show off my baby bump (and to park in the "Pregnant Ladies Only" parking spots at stores!)....buuuuut....can you just be in my arms already????? I am just impatient, I know this.  I just can't wait to hold you is all.  Your Daddy can't wait to smell you - he's really looking forward to your baby smell.  Don't tell him I told you this, but he likes to smell your tiny little diapers and baby powder that we have in your room sometimes.  I can't wait to see him with you in his arms!  Oh, and guess what?!  We SAW you kick the other day!  Your Daddy was trying to feel you and then took his hand away and right then my belly did a big BUMP.  We both were shocked!

I find myself wondering what you are doing in my belly.  What kind of thoughts you already have.  Are you bored?  Or are you content just sucking on your thumb, arm, hand, whatever and drinking in that amniotic fluid all day long?  I wonder what it feels like to do certain activities with me.  Like...how's it feel when I am working out?  Can you tell that I am sweating?  Do you feel my heart rate pounding faster and louder?  Or how about when your Daddy and I are talking, or your sisters are around and we are all laughing and talking - do you know their voices already too?  Or, how about (like just now) when your Daddy makes me laugh so hard (acting like monkey - you'll see soon enough!) that I cry - do you feel like I am trying to shake you up?  I hope you know it's happy shaking feeling and not a bad one!  Or what about the days that I feel like I am going non-stop - grocery store, doc appt., picking your sisters up, dropping them off, etc. - do you know that's what's going on?  Can you tell a difference from a more relaxing day?  Or what about when I am swimming in the pool - it's supposed to be the best exercise and the best way to combat any swelling - can you feel a difference when you are under water, or is it all the same to you?  These are things that I will never know and certainly don't remember for myself!  So, it will just be what it is - a bunch of things I wonder about during the day until you are born!

 Here are some things that I do know about you this week:

Your are positively HUGE, a whopping 1 - 1..5 pounds! That is quite an accomplishment for someone that used to weigh less than one ounce. You are the size of a papaya "they" say (although to me that doesn't seem too big) or the size of a smaller baby doll that your cousin Vera is probably dragging around by the hair as I write this!  =)  And you should now be about 11 inches long!

You do a regular 'workout' inside my womb. You turn from side to side and head over heels. Thanks to a fully developed inner ear, which controls your balance, you may have a sense of whether you are upside-down or right side up in the womb.

Your skin pigment is now forming too. You are now proportioned like a newborn except you are a thinner version of you since your baby fat has not developed much yet.

Your pancreas, essential in the production of hormones, is developing steadily. You have begun producing insulin, even more so now, which is important for the breakdown of sugars (thanks for helping your Mama out with this one because I obviously don't have a pancreas that works like yours does!).

This week your nostrils will open and the enamel that will cover your teeth is forming. Surfactant, which is a substance that helps the lungs expand after birth, has begun to develop and the air sacs inside your lungs are growing. All the nerve cells are all in place now and will begin to join together to fully form a nervous system.

I have found that breathlessness is definitely kicking in for me this week!  Just going up the stairs is a small chore!  I usually have to take a moment to regroup once I am up the stairs before I can carry on intelligible conversation.  I cleaned for several hours the other morning and was I tired that night!  My back is feeling it more and more too.  The more sore my back is, the more my belly (you!) sticks out because my back is worn out.  It just means you are getting bigger!  So, keep it up!

I didn't know whether to include this next part or not - but in an effort to be honest and real about my feelings through having you in my belly - it is something that I now think about.  I have started to wonder what might happen if you were to be born prematurely. "They" say that a baby born between 23 and 24 weeks would have a 10 to 70 percent chance of survival. It truly depends on a number of factors that have to be taken into consideration.

There are babies that are born at one pound that beat the odds and go on to live a fairly normal life, while others unfortunately die due to unexpected complications. The smallest babies may survive but grow up with some mental or motor disabilities as a result of their extreme prematurity.

Here's the bottom line for me - every day that you stay in my womb at this point forward increases your survival rate by approximately 3 percent during weeks 23 and 26. And then generally after 26 weeks the survival rate jumps to 80-90 percent.  I've also read after 30 weeks, your chances of mental or motor disabilities reduce almost completely.

So, as much as I say that I want you in my arms now, I don't really mean that literally.  I want you in there as long as God thinks is His Plan for you.  We are just now at the point where you are a viable fetus - meaning BABY - so that is in a way exciting.  We haven't been able to think that way about you yet in this process - and now there is a chance of survival that increases every day!  So, in a weird way, it's an exciting time for us, but also scary too.  I'll gladly wait another 14-17 weeks to see you to get you as healthy as possible, but it's nice to know that you can possibly survive if something were to go wrong at this point.

ALL THAT SAID - I am learning to give this God - like, literally as we speak.  I have a tendency to want to create all these "short goals" for us - like, 23-24 weeks is the first goal - the point of viability, then 26 weeks is the next goal because your odds of living go up so much at that point.  30 weeks is the next because of the reduced chance of disabilities, etc. etc.  And sometimes I just need to stop!  And let God have it all. I was reminded this week during a study of the book of Esther in The Bible (with my friend Amy) of this very thing.  Even when there is perceived evil done and satan appears to be in control - HE IS NOT.  God has a calendar and a timing for everything.  I may not agree with the timing, but thank goodness I am not god because I don't know a sliver of what our God knows!  I'd be making decisions based purely on selfish motives and lack of information!  And that's not the way to make important decisions.  So I give you, Avery Jo, to God - all of you - your little heart, your mind, your body, your due date, your health, your path in life, everything.

I feel like I have probably made no sense and gone around the block a million times with this blog today, but instead of going back and trying to edit them to make sense, I'm just going to let them be...because this is EXACTLY what is going through my brain right now.  And it just may be the laugh I (and you) need one day many years from now when we are going back through my blog!  Love you AJ.